Argos – Crooner

So that’s what “Argosed it” means is it?

Interesting. I always thought that “Argosed it” meant paying twice as as much as necessary, waiting 20 minutes to discover it’s not what you asked for, dealing with a member of staff for whom the word “incompetent” would be a compliment and then discovering that you’re not allowed to return the item because of the Faustian pact you apparently signed when paying for it.

All this time I didn’t realise that “Argosed it” actually meant… um… hang on… what does it actually mean? Remix something? Improve something?  Update a classic? I don’t understand. From their normal selling point of ‘having a catalogue to make things easier’ this makes no sense whatsoever.

I see what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to make “Argosed it” a phrase that catches on across the playgrounds of water coolers of Britain. Every time someone does something unexpected, or wacky, or off the wall they want friends to gather together and nod sagely that Darren has indeed “Argosed it.”

Yeah. That’s probably not going to happen.

It is sad, though, isn’t it? I remember when bootlegging was a genuinely art-form – pre YouTube – when video mixing and recontextualising was in the realm of DJ’s, VJ’s, artists and cultural commentators. Now it’s an advert for a shitty highstreet store.

Wait! Now I get it. When something has been “Argosed” it means it’s been done before; better and with more style – it means that it’s a pale imitation done entirely for money. And you can’t get a refund. Makes total sense now.

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Argos – Live for Less

If anything summed up the utter pointlessness of rampant consumerism and, indeed, the marketeers urge to sell something no matter how useless, needless or counter-productive – then this advert is it. A family, down on their luck and saving money, are forced to scrimp on basic luxuries like haircuts so that they can afford to indulge their addiction to consumer goods.

These aren’t heroes of the modern world – they’re not even humourous asides designed to illustrate the availability of environmentally destructive white goods, they’re hellish vignettes that will be used by future societies to explain and understand our downfall. They’ll look back at us with curious distaste and use our destruction as a warning to others.

“Look” they’ll say “these people bartered their offspring’s future and the financial stability of their family unit so that they might possess a treadmill and stereo with an iPod dock. Rather than be chastised and scorned upon, they were broadcast to the nation and held aloft as examples of thrifty and sensible behaviour…”

Sometimes adverts say more about our society than they do about the product. In this instance I wish they’d shut up.

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