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Posts Tagged ‘Tesco’

So it’s come to this:

  • You go to a giant multinational superstore.
  • You call your sister to ask what she wants for Christmas.
  • She tells you what to buy her family, with all items coming from huge multinational suppliers.
  • You buy those multinational items from a catalogue.
  • Those items are delivered unwrapped to your sister by the multinational corporation ahead of time.

Christmas. Tesco style.

For years advertising has been gently pissing on the spirit of Christmas but with this advert they’ve finally slipped into rampant corporate wish fulfillment; no personality, no individualism, no charm, no special consideration – just the purchasing and exchanging on items at a specific time of the year.

If an advert could have eyes this Tesco commercial would be dead behind them.

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How far away is Richard Hammonds nearest supermarket? And are there not easier ways to get there? He’s on Top Gear, you’d have thought he’d have a car. Furthermore, doesn’t he know that they have trolleys there that he can use – he doesn’t need to take his own.

I don’t care how good the meat is or how low the prices are; if I have to climb mountains, cross bridges and hump a trolley over a cattle grid just to get to Morrisons then there’s a very good chance I won’t be going there. They should build some in city centres or on small industrial estates, then I’d go. There’s a Tesco, a Sainsburys and a Waitrose within walking distance of my house, so why would I hike across the peak district just to get a pork chop?

To be fair to them though, they do have very well trained staff. That butcher doesn’t even crack a smile when he sees the state of the Hamsters lothario sleazecut, seductively unbuttoned shirt and pseudo-Goa bead necklace. Most people would be pissing themselves…

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Double Value on Baby & Toddler Range with Clubcard

It’s been bugging me for ages what I hate about this advert, and now I know. It’s smug. Smug smug smug smug smug. Smug.

It’s so fucking smug it’s driving me up the wall. It’s smug like a Kevin Smith film, or like Quentin Tarantino’s dialogue, or like a Steve Bell cartoon. It’s smug like oh-so-knowing-and-clever self referencing TV shows, like a pompous overpaid ass nodding and winking at you from the corner of your room.

The advert isn’t so smart-arsed, it just carries that tone about it. Of knowing that it knows it’s right, and knowing that you’ll shop there anyway and all they’re really doing is keeping their little bitches happy with some smug bastard piece of TV.

I hate these people. I hate these smug, quirky, middle-class, golf playing, Taggart watching, self contented garden party throwers. I hate their witty asides, their comfortable wackiness and their utter delight in buying Taiwanese wage-slave products.

And as for Mark Addy – well, let’s just say it’s sad to see confirmation that he’ll never reach that career high of playing Fred Flintstone alongside a Baldwin ever again.

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